I countered with, "You can't show me a verse in the New Testament that says it's immodest for a woman to wear her hair down. THAT is your opinion."
He leveled with me and replied, "And this is MY church."
Let me rewind the (very personal) story that leads up to this....
A few months ago, I had an intense experience during a Wombspace Healing and Holistic Pelvic Care Session.
As you know, I am always ever deepening my self embodiment and self knowing, continuing my healing journey and soul-expansion. This particular journey required that I drive 4 hours away from home, and stay in multiple Airbnb's so that I could allow my beautiful and trusted friend to facilitate an opportunity for deeper healing for me. My investment altogether was in the 4 digits for this ONE alchemical experience alone. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat because it's been the SINGLE MOST LIFE-CHANGING INVESTMENT I have made in myself the last two years. (as of the date I wrote this)
I have not just FELT but I have SEEN a marked difference in my life in ALL areas: business, social, intimate relationships, sex drive and sexuality, physically, energetically, spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically...these are what come to mind right away.
I have had more clarity, more energy, more peace, increased creativity, easier access to my desire...those closest to me in my life have told me, "You have more energy, and handle stress more efficiently."
Directly before my session, I did a quick 15 minute Yoni Steam (read more about this on the website through the “Resources“ link in the menu) and allowed myself to begin to focus inward. I journaled through some things, and pulled a couple of oracle cards (want to know what these are? message me via the chat box here on the site or email me at amanda@wholenessmirroring.com) as I prepared mentally and spiritually for the session, after my long 4 hour drive that day.
Why didn't I opt for a virtual session, you may be wondering? Or couldn't I do it for myself?
For one thing, I knew I needed the physical presence and touch of another woman. I felt this deep in my bones. I have held space for myself MANY times. I have done internal vaginal de-armouring MANY times for myself. I have done cervical de-armouring for myself. There is SO MUCH power in being our own space holder and priestess. AND I knew that to go deeper, I would need to trust another woman to hold the space for me. I knew that this was part of healing the sisterhood wound, the mother wound, and the mistrust of women I had struggled with in the past.
There is a special surrender that comes when we trust another person to hold space for us, and with our bodies. I knew I needed that. I desired that.
Yes, I could do it alone for myself.
And yet, NO. I could not do it alone, for myself.
After my Yoni Steam, I stripped down and slipped beneath the sheets on the table. She walked in, lit some Palo Santo and murmured a blessing and prayer over me. We became more aware, together, of the Presence of Spirit and she held space as I dropped from my headspace into my heartspace, and from my heartspace into my wombspace.
I was breathing deeply and rhythmically, filling my belly with air and allowing each exhale to be a soft sigh.
"You'll feel my touch." she said, after gaining my consent.
I felt one warm hand over my Wombspace, and I felt her other hand slip between my spread thighs under the privacy of the sheets. Her warm fingers brushed my vulva lips.
"When you're ready, I'll come inside."
I nodded my head and whispered that I was ready.
She slipped her fingers inside and gently palpated my vaginal walls, letting me know which areas she was checking. My pelvic floor, the right side, the left side, the top, and my cervix.
As she palpated my pelvic floor and walls gently, and we went through the session, I could completely release, surrender and let go. Warm tears slipped down my cheeks from the sense of safety and comfort I felt in trusting her to be the space holder, and allowed myself to lean into the raw experience.
During the session and inward journey with Spirit, I was surprised (in the moment) by what my body revealed to me.
One of the biggest revelations, and the one I want to share with you, is that it is VITAL that as women we take BACK the power and authority we have given away under the guise of "submission."
I had a memory surface for me, and take me back to the time when I was 18/19.
I was sitting in my pastors home in Honduras, CA at the dining table. He and I were having a discussion about my upcoming shift into the role of "Sunday school teacher" and what that would entail.
He began the conversation, "You're an adult now, and it's time for you to obey God rather than man."
He reminded me that my dad was not requiring me to wear a head covering. (if you don't know what this is and have questions, please feel free to ask me)
He brought up the New Testament verses that say that a woman should not pray or prophesy without her head being covered, for the sign to the angels and to symbolize that she was under her husbands authority. His stance was that I should wear a covering over my head all day, to symbolize that I was obeying Gods mandate to be covered and represent my submission to my pastors authority, and my dads authority (even if my dad didn't ask or require that I do it.)
My response was that those verses seemed to have multiple interpretations and translations. For example, some say the original text says “husband” and I was clearly single. However, I was willing to go along with his interpretation of the verses if it was required for me to be able to officially teach Sunday school.
Then, he added that I would need to wear my waist length hair up underneath the covering so that it was completely covered or in a bun. (I usually wore my hair in a long braid during that time.)
The stark irony of this is that at that time, I was covering my head with a scarf or wearing a covering whenever I would go to church. The pastors wife wore a little black doily pinned on top of her bun as her head covering, and she wore it all the time. To my pastor, this was more acceptable and more accurate than my large scarf that would literally cover my head, and more acceptable than the coverings that I wore (that covered most of my head.) He wanted me to wear my hair up, and to wear something on my head all day long. But it didn’t have to necessarily cover my entire head, or conceal my hair completely. And yet he was claiming that i was not obeying God, and that I needed to change and do things his way.
When I asked him why he wanted me to wear my hair up, his response was that it was because it was immodest for a woman to wear her hair down, even if it was braided.
I countered with, "You can't show me a verse in the New Testament that says it's immodest for a woman to wear her hair down. THAT is your opinion."
He leveled with me and replied, "And this is MY church." 👀
I respected his honesty, and felt like as long as we were both clear on the fact that this wasn't really about "honoring God rather than men" and more about how he wanted things done at his church, then I could honor his wishes.
I believed at the time that God needed me to be in "alignment" with authority in order for Him to be able to bless me. I was taught that God would speak to me through my authority AKA through men. To receive Gods blessing, to hear from Him the direction I needed in my life, I needed to submit to the men in my life and obey them. And even though I didn't agree with this pastor, I felt that if God could speak through a donkey or a lying prophet, then he could speak through this man. So I submitted. I obeyed. I wore the headcovering all the time, and I wore my beautiful long hair up underneath it.
Part of what was taught was that a woman's hair is her glory, and it's only for her husband to see in private.
I covered my glory.
I dedicated it to my future husband to see in private.
I subdued my will, my authority, my own "headship" and sovereignty and handed them over to men.
I never revisited this moment in my life to carefully pick apart what happened energetically and spiritually during that exchange, but during my womb healing session and Holistic Pelvic Care session it became starkly apparent to me.
I had covered my GLORY.
I had hidden it.
I had decided that it did NOT belong to me, but to a future husband--to a man. That I would have no glory, but that all of my glory, even my hair, would belong to someone else.
I had subdued my will and my ability to make choices and decisions, I subdued and submitted my AUTHORITY and my HEADSHIP.
I gave away my ability to lead myself and my life. I gave it over to men.
I basically cut myself off at the ovaries, and “castrated” myself.
It is so apparent to us that a man's drive, his will and leadership are tied to his testosterone and his sex drive. That his energy levels and the way he penetrates the world are connected to his scrotum.
But for women, we have missed this connection. The connection between our sex drive, our energy, and our wombspace. We have been spiritually castrated by the church.
I was expected by the church to keep up with the Proverbs 31 woman, but without her lady balls. Without the connection to my ovaries. Without my sex drive and life force energy flowing through my wombspace. Without the ability to lead myself, to hear directly from God as my only Source. Without the ability to have any glory for myself. I was expected to KNOW I was beautiful, and to be sexy and fulfilled in marriage and my sex life but WITHOUT having any glory of my own. If my glory doesn't even belong to me, how am I supposed to know my worth and my beauty?
We wonder why so many women today especially within Christianity (or out of) struggle with their libido, having energy, having a voice, knowing they're beautiful, feeling sexy....and yet still they're being taught that their glory is not their own, and that it should be covered up. They're being taught to give over their discernment and leadership, their will, and their authority.
THIS IS WHY reconnecting to our wombspace and reclaiming our sexuality has EVERYTHING to do with being successful in the world in EVERY area of our lives.
Its impact is spiritual, physical, energetic, emotional, psychological....the ramifications are forever rippling out towards our children and grandchildren. (and their children, and their children, and their children, etc.)
Severing those tethers to that man, revoking my decision to submit to his authority and to mens authority, clearing the energetic and physical ties to my wombspace was a powerful and cleansing act.
Going through the alchemical process during the womsbpace and holistic pelvic care session, allowing my body to speak to me, and allowing Spirit to guide me through my womb gave me back my lady balls (ovaries.)
It reconnected me to my ovaries, and my wombsapce on a deeper level than I had been before, and it also freed my sex drive and my sexuality on deeper levels.
I felt as if I had been reborn, uncastrated, reconnected to my authentic essence, and bathed in holy water.
I wasn't sure how it would impact the rest of my life, but I began seeing and feeling a difference in just a few days time. After a couple of weeks, I was BLOWN AWAY by how dramatically different I felt.
I have capacity for things I previously didn't have capacity for. Emotionally, and energetically. And I'm not the only one who has noticed the change.
I am more convinced than ever that my Wombspace sessions are some of the most potent medicine for women in this time in history. Not only am I seeing continued healing and change in my own life, but in the lives of the women who trust me to hold this sacred space for them as they journey inward into their womsbapce as well.
And I am equally convinced that Purity Culture and Modesty are constructs of religion that have offered nothing but bondage to pure hearted men and women.
