I have worked with both men and women in a mentorship space, and we’ve unpacked many, many layers of things and traumas that have squelched libido.
Despite whatever other layers there are as to why someone’s libido is low, the number one reason I have seen far and large is:
Regardless of the form in which it presents, when you are under stress your libido is one of the first things to take a flying leap into oblivion.
When I was in the early stages of recovering from hypothyroidism, and “ovarian failure” as the doctor from Johns Hopkins coined it, one of the first things I learned about the body when it’s under stress or in a trauma response, is how the body will shut down various systems in order to survive.
Guess what one of the first things to get the boot is? Your reproductive system is kicked offline when you’re under duress.
If it’s not safe to “stay and play” then your body cuts off excess energy to the reproductive system so that it can use that energy for survival.
Next? Your digestive system! If it’s not safe to “rest and digest” then your body cuts off excess energy to your digestion so that I can also channel that towards survival.
Your body goes through systematically shutting off and shutting down what is not absolutely essential to survival, so that you can LIVE.
The practice is then moving OUT of survival and back into thriving, so we can get those systems back online and move energy into and through them so they are up and running smoothly once again.
Is your libido low?
I would suggest first looking under the hood at your stress levels.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine how much survival or stress you may be living with:
Do I feel safe in my body?
Do I feel safe in my surroundings?
Does my body feel rested?
Does my mind feel like it’s racing with thoughts?
Am I able to be quiet and still, or rest? Or do I feel the urge or need to always be doing, always moving, or thinking/processing through something?
Do I need constant background noise, chatter, music, or the TV on?
Do I wake up in the middle of the night/early morning?
Do I wake up tired?
Am I snappy with myself or loved ones?
Is my jaw tight?
Am I either not hungry at all, or ravenous?
Do I experience extreme highs and lows emotionally inside of short periods of time?
Do I feel like I am running on emotional auto-pilot?
Take your time going through these and observe your daily habits, thoughts, and emotions.
Maybe you’re not flawed.
Maybe your sex drive isn’t broken.
Maybe you’re not just one of those women that can’t enjoy sex, or that has “low drive.”
Maybe it’s not that you’re just not “that into” sex.
Maybe you’re simply stressed, and your body is using that energy somewhere else where it is needed for survival purposes.
Some things you can do to help move back into thriving when the immediate threat is resolved:
Eat nourishing foods
Spend time in nature
Practice owning your YES and NO
If you want to take any of this further, or if you suspect that the stress is from unresolved trauma, feel free to reach out to me or book a 1:1 session for us to dive into this together.